a view on emotional resilience and how it impacts family and team success
Originally I had titled this “strive through challenge” but changed it to set our mindset correctly. We as humans grow and get better in challenging situations. When we experience loss and have that feedback, we can than adapt and grow — and GET BETTER.
Many know about the 10,000 hour concept — if you spend 10,000 hours in deliberate practice on a skill, you’ll become an expert. You will if you have talent. (I am 5 foot 7… I could spend 10,000 hours and still not be in the NBA) What is interesting here is that deliberate practice only works if YOU LOSE. Meaning to be good, let alone great, you must fail at your goal.
Myelin, Talent Code highlights that in our minds we literally add “insulation” to brain connections as we deeply practice a craft. This is how you and I learn a language, to run, ski, sing, dance, and be a great leader. That only works as the body practices and the mind reinforces the brain wiring that was beneficial.
Challenge is where we grow, how we learn, and ultimately how we can find our true happiness. (Note, I believe happiness originates from you living and doing what you are passionate about …) This is why we can’t create fake environments for our kids, ourselves, or our products. Examples…
Fake environments for our kids — 17th place trophies. Your kid (my young lady I love her .. and yes she was given one of these) competes and everyone from 1st to 25th gets an award. Everyone wins. Nobody lost.
Where is the motivation and sense of growth. Where are the signals of what is good / right? How can the person learn and recognize what good looks like today if they aren’t allowed to experience wins or losses. Beyond that, the human capacity to be humble (when we win and lose), to be gracious when we win and lose, and other pivotal human society traits are lost without winning and losing.
Now if these kids competed honestly they would lose horribly, and it would be a rough lesson. Better to teach our children that losing is losing and that doesn’t make us a loser, but exposes where we can improve. (for those wondering, I celebrated her win at 3rd place and then did not for her 17th award. Yes she reacted, and yes she has worked hard on her skill and has unlocked several new skills that were escaping her for years! Did she get it because of feedback, no, she got it because she worked for it and I believe she worked because she realized her current efforts were insufficient)
Ourselves — stop protecting yourself. Myself. Ourselves! Routine and consistency in our food; our drives to the work; our hobbies. There is a huge world and it can all be accessed. Imagine the joy, skill, and off the beaten path experiences you will unlock.
This one is especially meaningful to me, as I was born in a small trucking town just north of New York City. We didn’t have much and were exposed to only so much. I was thrust into 20 years of traveling and consulting and saw a huge world. Now I am growing into new fields that would never have been available to me if I didn’t experiment and gain these lessons. And no .. not every effort was a success, but that is just fine by me.
What about startups and businesses
The more we expose our ideas, processes, technology, and products to the “market” and real world environments, the more feedback we will get and the clearer insights will we get to improve the same! This applies to doubling down on things that are working and addressing areas that are getting buried.
Here are two tactical breakouts based on my recent experience…
CyberSecurity, Products — A bit of cybersecurity perspective. When we make products we test them but do we test them on the big bad internet? Mostly no, because we fear they will crash … because of the attacks. Products, software, cryptography, and more all do better with wider and truer tests from a cybersecurity perspective.
Winning in the Market, Products — Win in the market with innovation! You know how you know you have a great product, the market buys it. The market steers the development. Therefore, release in iterations, embrace DevOps, and iterate rapidly. That is how products evolve to become world changing. (Facebook was for college kids and then added and expanded. Ford made one kind of car and then began adding features and more based on FEEDBACK)
Treat life as an experiment
If we act and react we can make amazing products and accomplishments. Nothing monumental was achieved without error, feedback, and reaction. It is up to us on how we emotionally manage this loop, and the more emotional resilience we introduce into our team, company, self, and family … the better chances we are to stay in this loop.
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About Me
I am a father, study of human behavior, strategist, cybersecurity veteran, and a coach and mentor on a journey to give more than I receive everyday. I lead teams globally, build products, and daily an executive for a leading company where I serve the largest companies in the world using the largest cloud deployments in the world impacting the financial services, healthcare, and fintech industries. I provide these publications and content through my media agency to deliver insights and advantages. Mindset, mental strength, mentorship, personal improvement, health, fitness, and humanist ideas are drawn from personal research and practice. Everything read and heard is my original works and my own perspective. All rights reserved for noted authors and sources. I produce research and strategy, as well as provide advisory services that include inquiries, briefings, consulting projects, and presentations on published findings as well as bespoke speaking engagements where I often keynote at conferences, seminars, and roundtables annually.