• Relationships — does she really like me? Am I really doing enough?
  • Anything athletic — am I good enough to play on their team, Am I strong / fast enough?
  • Teamwork — am I really the best teammate? I am holding them back
  • Public speaking — Will I forget my lines, can I really provide them value?
  • Being a leader/coach — Am I right, Is my team set for success, am I being as effective as I am capable of being with this employee / athlete?

Victim talk — it is a fierce beast

Don’t condemn yourself for it. Recognize it for what it is, stop, reframe it, and take control. You can and need to practice giving yourself a place in your mind for compassion, support, and strength. In fact, when we do catch and correct ourselves in these moments we also experience a primal sense of victory where you know anything is possible.

It really is within your own power. We all fail, we all have limitations, but those make up who we are … the problem with self-talk is we are referring to imaginary and self manifested POSSIBLE NEGATIVE events.

Think about that — our mind is amazing that we literally can manifest these concerns out of thin air.

Tools and tactics to help you overcome Negative Self Talk

You are great as you are

Self acceptance is powerful and neutralizes much of the banter from self talk. Understand you are the sum of your experiences and thus what you bring today to that business, team, relationship, workout, etc .. is a constant work in progress. In fact, it is for EVERYONE.

Embrace that and allow people to see your authentic self. We all have scares, so don’t pretend you do not.

Can you give value

In every moment with every person, if you are giving value than you have honored their time. Love, information, support, and all of the soft skills come to light here.

In fact, even a “bad” workout can contribute to your fitness far more than you could imagine. In health and wellness, the formula for maximum health is the following equation:

  • Smart programming (meaning you are doing the work that’ll lead to the best results for you)
  • Consistency (you train regularly, if not daily, between 3–5x a week)
  • Intensity (you give the training your attention and heart … )

Public speaking — focus on the content and giving the audience value. Sure we all envision ourselves (or don’t) as a rockstar speaker … but the greatest value for the audience is giving them what they need, did you?

Identify negative talk and substitute

Negative self talk happens — but it need not remain. If a fear or negative voice appears YOU can replace it with another voice. A voice that supports you. A voice that highlights the good and exceptional in a situation. A voice that calms you down from creating your fear in the real world.

You go where you focus

where your mind is focused, so shall you

If you stare at the worst outcome, I guarantee it’ll be in your hands shortly. Much like riding a bike or snowboarding down a mountain — wherever your eyes lead, your feet will follow. Hence the advice to not stare at that tree in front of you, but instead the path you want to go.

Follow your heart, trust your gut, and you will be happy. That negative self talk is in everyone … some just shut it down with hard work, faith, a firm grip of confidence, and trust in our fellow humans.

How do you divert negative self talk?

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